Changing the self, to find the Self

When we consider the need to change, in order to establish a connection with the Divine or the True Self (the intermediary to the Divine), most solutions will offer techniques to transform the gross personality. Meditation, spiritual practice, changing one’s actions: these are all examples of such work, with the intention of creating a lasting effect. But not all agree. Some would say that working at the level of personality is a waste of time, as the personality doesn’t persist but perishes at death. To this end, I would like to flush out both approaches in a calm and rational analysis.

Working on the Personality

Ancient paths of Buddhism, Hinduism, Sufism, Gnosticism all assert that one must use new ways of thinking in order to approach enlightenment, or the Divine. The idea is that our gross (materialistic) personality is only concerned with the world around us. In order to make spiritual gain, the mind must be transformed through work and effort.

Modern approaches of magick also use this methodology. By affecting the mind, changes are made which create opportunities. The only difference in magic to mysticism is perhaps the scope of the work. The mystic seeking enlightenment, or Oneness with God and the magician seeking personal empowerment.

From this viewpoint, when the mind is transformed, reality shifts, allowing for deep spiritual connection and transformation. In other words, when the clutter is swept from the room, the Light from a window can fill the space.

Releasing the Personality

There are newer traditions that identify the approach described above as false. They claim it is misguided because the work is based on a temporary thing. Like investing thousands of dollars in a car you rented. Why would anyone do mechanical upgrades on a rental car? At the end of the week the car is given back to the rental office, and all investment is lost.

Instead of trying to clear the mind, they opt to make a relationship with their ego. The ego is brought into compliance with the idea that the only hope is to “let go” of the personality (the home of the ego), so that the Greater Personality or Greater Self may illuminate.

In practicality this is like abandoning meditation for a calmer, less reactive mind, in favor of a practice of being in the present moment. The present moment, having no ego will allow the Greater to manifest.

This view also believes that we don’t really change at all. That we can’t change. A tricky point, but one to note.

Reviewing the Two Approaches

Thinking more deeply on this, I can see a flaw with the second, but not with the first.

In order to connect with the pure Light, one must abandon anger, selfishness, desire, and so on. The work of abandoning these things will come through mental concentration, as well as spiritual effort. By clearing the mind, enlightenment follows.

How this is done can be meditating towards no-thought, or it could be directly meditating in such a way to visualize a person we are angry with and work through that by careful analysis on how the anger only harms the meditator. In Buddhism, one meditates upon the antidote of the problem at hand… meditating on patience to overcome anger. Similar approaches are found in Sufism, Hinduism and so on. Through this work the personality is cleared of imperfections, so that the Light of truth can manifest and transform the deep aspects that survive bodily death.

The modern idea of releasing the personality altogether has an allure but is perhaps playing a trick. We must recognize that we change all the time. The idea that we can’t change or don’t change is false, as a simple life review will no doubt reveal. I’m not the same person I was at 10 years old, at 18 years old, at 25, at 38, at 50, etc. We change. Our personalities change. If they change without our effort, imagine if we apply effort.

But, protests the argument, what you are investing in (the personality) is lost at death. What’s the point? You need to let go of the personality so the Greater will manifest. How one releases the personality is often through practices of listening/reading spiritual literature, putting one’s mind on the present moment and so on. Without using the word meditation, they are often describing the act of meditation.

I can recall a lecture where one such person derided the work of meditation, calling it dangerous, and then said, “to go beyond the personality we must close off our conscious thoughts. We must put our attention on the present moment. Becoming mindful we go beyond the personality…” and I asked, “but isn’t what you just described meditation?” To which I got no answer, because he knew no answer.

Without purposeful intent to change, and using a practice to evoke the change, the aspirant will fall back to the ways of the carnal world. Hence the truism, that in order to find the Truth, or the Light, we must clear out those inner cobwebs. Through meditation (on nothing, on object, on new thinking) we evoke changes in the personality and those changes open the doorways for lasting change on the element that persists.

The Daemon and it’s Role

In classic Greek literature there were references to a guiding force within each person. The Greek’s called this guiding force the Daemon (not to be confused with demon). The Oxford dictionary defines it as, “(in ancient Greek belief) a divinity or supernatural being of a nature between gods and humans.” In the modern age we can consider this the Virgo Lucifera, or in more direct language: the Higher Self. It is that Greater aspect that stands between our limited nature and the Source of Creation. As our minds are clouded by the tapestries of beliefs we are born into, as well as the distractions of the material world, this guiding force teaches us where we are and through the lens of our current perception.

Through personal experience I discovered that each religion I was part of connected to Source. At first I held the common belief that this was a reflection of Source in all religions and mystical traditions. However, one day I had a wisp of inspiration that brought clarity: In every religion and spiritual group I was connecting to a Higher Source, but not due to the religion. It was due to me. I was bringing the bridge to Source with me, wherever I went.

The guiding light of the Higher Self doesn’t often appear as it is. It renders itself according to the tapestries of our beliefs, backgrounds and material experience. In all ways it is seeking to teach and enlighten. The mistake of human nature is when the tapestry is considered the only aspect of truth. When a person is touched by their Higher Self it may come through a tapestry of their cultural identity and religion. One may think it is through Jesus, or Krishna. The mystical state, as feeling real and powerful, can strengthen the idea that the tapestry is the thing itself.

I had been on a spiritual journey since I was a teenager in the 80’s. In the early 2000’s I started joining groups and organizations. Taking membership in occult orders, mystical societies and religious groups I discovered a pattern. I would join, get gains, hit a ceiling of belief that I don’t agree with, and realize I can’t move forward. The pattern repeated each and every time.

In 2019 I had a different approach to spirituality. Inspired by an author (Don Webb) I took action to separate myself from all forms of influence. Webb wasn’t preaching a system, but doing the opposite: removing all prior systems. In his work, “Uncle Setnakt’s Essential Guide to the Left Hand Path” he describes a personal ritual one creates on their own. The core aspects are to identify all those elements of influence and destroy an icon representing that influence. I created such a ritual and after completion I felt the void of disconnection.

I put Webb’s work aside and simply sought my own path. A path of isolate instruction. At first I was drawn to yet-another-system, but it didn’t work out (thank goodness). In my isolation I had an experience of the Greater Self. This time the experience was not wearing a mask of my tapestries. It didn’t appear as an angel, an ancient deity. It was a voice of silence, speaking within me.

One can learn from the Higher Self, even through their tapestries of faith. They can interact via mystical beliefs, religious iconography, or occult mechanics. However, these interactions are filtered. It’s like an alien race teaching humanity about itself through our movies and TV shows. One person may mistakenly think something profoundly stated in Breaking Bad is exactly how the alien race is, while another is confident the movie “Arrival,” is a better understanding of the alien lifeforms. In the end, each of these movies or tv shows are only generalizations of thought. The real truth is to go beyond all that, stepping into direct communication outside of all constructs.

The work of tapestries has been taken to its extreme proof when occultists and mystics used modern fiction as the tapestry of faith. Whether it is the works of Lovecraft or the modern science fiction of Star Wars, each of these fictional tapestries can be charged with spiritual matter in order to interact with the Greater aspect of Self and in doing so, there is at times a power made evident. This, for me, is proof that the tapestry is a stepping stone and not the Truth itself. Tapestries help us in the early stages but should be replaced by direct communication with the Higher aspect. To do so may require a dissolution of the old beliefs and ideas, so truth can be seen without a tapestry.

Direct communication is a Gnostic path, in the sense of self discovering Gnosis (Spiritual Wisdom). Without human masters, gurus, teachers, we are led by the spiritual force of the Higher Self (the Daemon) alone. This is the path without tapestry.

The only master: a dialogue with the Higher Self

I WILL TELL YOU ONE THING TODAY: BE ON GUARD, FOR DISTRACTIONS ARE MOUNTING A WAR WITH YOUR MIND. COME AWAY FROM THE WINDOW THAT LOOKS OUT INTO THE WORLD BELOW, AND LOOK THROUGH THE SKYLIGHT AT THE POSSIBILITIES ABOVE.

I HAVE WALKED WITH YOU FOR AGES PAST, BUT TODAY I SPEAK PLAINLY. WITHOUT CHANGE YOU WILL RECYCLE BACK INTO THE STATES YOU HAVE PREVIOUSLY BEEN. THE MATERIAL WORLD IS A HAZARD THAT IS DIFFICULT, YES, BUT ALSO MANAGEABLE.

I HAVE TOLD YOU MANY THINGS, INCLUDING THE FALSITY OF RELIGION. YOU WONDER NOW, IF I AM RIGHT OR WRONG. DIG DEEP INTO YOUR OWN FEELINGS. WHY IS IT THAT WHEN YOU PURCHASED A ‘HOLY BOOK’ RECENTLY THAT YOU FELT REPULSED BY IT? THAT FAITH IS CLOSE TO PURITY, YET THEIR MESSAGE IS TAINTED WITH DEMAND AND CONTROL.

THIS IS TRUE OF ALL FAITH BORN OF ANOTHER – FIND AND FOLLOW THE FAITH OF YOUR HEART.

WRITINGS, ON THE OTHER HAND, OF MYSTICS AND SAGES CAN BE OF USEFUL BENEFIT. TRUE SAGES AND MYSTICS DO NOT EXEMPLIFY A BELIEF IN THEIR AUTHORITY. THEY SPEAK IN VEILED WORDS THAT REQUIRE EFFORT OF THE READER TO DECIPHER FOR THEMSELVES AND IN THIS ASPECT THE READING BECOMES THE WORK OF THE PATH.

IN THE END, ONE MUST FIND TRUTH WITHIN. THE WRITINGS OF OTHERS MAY ENCOURAGE BUT CAN NEVER REPLACE TRUE KNOWLEDGE AND WISDOM, WHICH IS FOUND THROUGH ONE’S OWN EFFORT.

HAD YOU GONE AND READ ANOTHER RELIGIOUS TRAPPING YOU WOULD SOON FIND YOURSELF A MEMBER OF THE FAITH. IN TIME, THE LONGING WOULD FALTER AND YOU WOULD FIND YOURSELF IN SHACKLES. RUNNING AWAY FROM YET ANOTHER FAITH, YOU WOULD PONDER HOW YOU GOT THERE. THIS IS YOUR CYCLE.

I AM HERE TO FREE YOU.

BEFORE OUR DIALOGUE STARTED, YOU CAME TO THE PATH IN A VERY DIFFERENT WAY. YOU SPENT TIME IN ISOLATION. YOU CUT YOURSELF AWAY FROM ALL PRIOR FAITHS AND BELIEFS. FRESH AND CLEAN, YOU APPROACHED ONE GOAL: CONVERSATION WITH THE HIGHER ASPECT. WITHOUT FETTERS OF OTHER SYSTEMS, YOUR CLARITY WAS REWARDED.

ACHIEVING THE GOAL, YOU SURRENDERED AGAIN TO THE DESIRE FOR A SYSTEM – A FAITH. YOU CHASED AFTER OTHER IDEOLOGIES AND BECAME WEAKENED. I AM REMINDING YOU OF YOUR ACCOMPLISHMENT AND HOPING YOU SEEK THE REWARD THAT IS ONLY FOUND THROUGH INDIVIDUAL EFFORT. RETURN HOME TO THE TRUE PATH. THE PATH OF ISOLATE WORKINGS, WHERE THE ONLY MASTER IS YOU.

Seek for him who is to give thee birth (20), in the Hall of Wisdom, the Hall which lies beyond, wherein all shadows are unknown, and where the light of truth shines with unfading glory.

The Voice of the Silence

10/17/2020 – Journal Entry

Three years ago I had an experience with my Greater Self, my Higher Self. The dialogue was internal but unlike every other time, the sentiment came with a strong sense of distance from my limited consciousness. Advice given was tested true, and felt right. Below is my journal entry for 10/17/2020:

WHERE IS YOUR MIND? IT IS WHERE YOU ALLOW YOUR LIMITS TO BE …

My cellphone rings. I realize my mind was in the body.

THIS IS YOUR SELF IMPOSED LIMITATION. TO HOLD A STATE OF INDIVIDUALITY, SIMILAR TO THE BODY IDENTITY BEYOND THE BODY, IS A LIMITATION. WITHOUT LIMITATIONS YOU WOULD EXPAND INFINITELY TO ENGAGE ALL THINGS. I SUPPOSE YOU COULD CALL IT ‘ONENESS.’

Is the ‘I’ lost?

NOT NECESSARILY. IT IS STILL THERE BUT QUITE MINIMIZED.

Please explain our differences. Are we the same?

YOU ARE AN ASPECT OF ME, I AM THE TOTALITY.

To be clear, are you the totality of everything (i.e. God)?

NO, YOU KNOW I AM NOT.

You are me, in totality.

I AM, AND YOU ARE ME IN A STATE OF FINITE LIMITATION. YOUR MIND SETS THE BOUNDARIES OF EXTENSION. WHEN YOU BUILD A BARRIER OF PROTECTION AROUND YOUR HOME, YOU DO SO BY RELEASING YOUR LIMITATIONS. YOU EXTEND OUT OF BODY AND PROJECT THE BARRIER. YOU COULD CONTINUE THAT FURTHER.

He speaks about my protection ritual, where I visualize on an inhale, a white light extending from within me… straight up, and then expanding outwards like a pyramid of light, enveloping my home (or family).

I ask, “won’t my body get in the way?”

WITH ENOUGH PRACTICE THIS IS ACHIEVABLE.

Why would you, much less restricted, want to experience existence from my vantage point (one of limitation)? Why do I exist as an extension of you?

TO FULFILL THE GAPS IN MY EXPERIENCE. TO SPEAK ONLY OF WHAT I KNOW AND I KNOW THROUGH YOU.

Can I share in this and experience your vantage point?

THIS IS THE MOMENT. YOU CAN AND WILL. IT IS A PROCESS OF OUR OWN MAKING AND IT WILL NOT TRANSFER TO ANOTHER AS WRITTEN.

But others can use their own process to achieve the same oneness of self?

YES. FOR US WE MUST HAVE COMPLETE ISOLATION. NO STRESS OF TIME COMMITMENTS. MIND MUST BE CLEAR. PUSH THE BOUNDARIES OF SELF THROUGH MEDITATION OR SPIRITUAL PRACTICES. DO NOT GET LOST IN TH EXPERIENCE ITSELF … REMEMBER THE GOAL OF BEING THE LARGER EXPRESSION OF YOURSELF. WHEN THE TIME COMES, YOU DIRECTLY ACCESS THE STATE BY BEING IT.

What happens to you? Are you displaced?

I WILL BE TEMPORARILY MOVED TO A MORE EXPANSIVE STATE.

What is YOUR goal?

At this question I get no response at this time.

How do I meditate to release my human limitation?

RELAX THE BODY. PUT THE MIND ON ELEMENTS OUTSIDE THE BODY: THE SPACE OF AIR CLOSET YOU. IN TIME, MOVE FURTHER OUT TO THE ROOM ITSELF, AND THE ROOMS OF YOUR HOUSE. IF A SOUND DISTURBS YOU, PUT YOUR MIND ON ITS LOCATION. PUSH THE BOUNDARIES OF WHAT MAKES YOUR CONCEPT OF YOU.

I understand this. To think on empty space, the air itself… filled with particles, light or shadow. Filled with dust or clear. To think on this, and then the mind moves through this space to a wall of the room, then the space of the room entirely. Pushing this practice, the space of the hallway, adjoining rooms and so on, until all space is mentally accounted for. If there is a distraction (like a dog barking), to consider its location – it’s space.

I ask a question about out of body experiences, “what of out of body experiences?”

YOU NEED TO CONTROL FEAR. IT HOLDS YOU BACK. FIND AN ASPECT OF PROTECTION OR LOVE AND PUT IT AROUND YOU.

As I wrap up the dialogue I realize that this expanded form of myself is already in all spaces. To realized the place, I’m simply ‘waking up’ to my expanded form in that location. How far can I expand? Other locations on earth? On other planets?

In Remembrance: The Day the Voice Spoke

October 16, 2020 is a very auspicious day for me. Today, three years later, I take note that this was the day the spiritual path moved into something powerful and true. Up until this moment my path was a series of events (paranormal, mystical, dedicated). I had events of faith, belief of inner dialogue with spiritual beings, but this day… this day was something special.

On October 16, 2020 an inner voice emerged from the silence of my Greater Self. My mind had been quiet. There, in my meditation room, staring at the wall without a single thought came an inner voice of power:

MAY I GIVE YOU ADVICE, AND WOULD YOU TAKE IT.

“Yes,” I replied.

ONLY FOCUS ON THAT WHICH UPLIFTS THE SOUL, EVERYTHING ELSE, LET GO

How I interpreted this, was that if music inspires greed, desire, or anger – to let go of it. If music or art edifies the soul – embrace it.

ONLY SPEAK TO WHAT YOU KNOW. KEEP HYPOTHESIS AT A MINIMUM AND WEIGHT SUCH IDEAS ACCORDINGLY.

This advice was for how I interact with others and the world. To only speak to what I know limits my ego and emotion from getting out of control. I remain more in silence and less in conjecture, otherwise my foolish pride would limit me.

I asked this inner power, “How will I ever know the great things? Will I ever know?”

YOU WILL, IF YOU TRUST ME. I AM WHAT YOU WILL BECOME. A TRUE QUESTION IS ASKED FROM THE HEART, NOT THE HEAD.

I took this to mean that there is no hidden motivation when asked from a silent heart.

ALL ANSWERS ARE FOUND WITHIN YOURSELF, NOT THROUGH OTHERS. IF A BOOK OF CLASSIC TEACHING TEACHES YOU, IT IS BECAUSE YOU FIND YOURSELF WITHIN IT.

Anger in one thing, Feeds Anger in General

The other day I found myself stressing out, watching the news. Lost to some current events on a global tragedy and attack, I became angry with the situation. My anger, however, wasn’t confined to the situation as I soon found myself snapping at my wife. This battle in my mind was becoming a battle in unrelated situations. This problem I have known all too well, the problem of unrelated identification. When you feed an energy (anger, lust, greed, hate) it feeds the general pool – there is no such thing as “getting angry at a situation,” there is only “getting angry.”

When a person struggles with greed, desire or lust, they hang their head in shame saying, “I wish I didn’t watch that porn,” or “I wish I didn’t cheat on my spouse,” or “I wish I didn’t steal from the company.” When talking with such people, and I ask them, “what moments led up to this failure,” I get a most common response: the same energy (greed, desire, lust) was being played with. They may have been obsessing over a new phone, a new computer, and then they find themselves grappling with porn addiction, or the desire to steal something from someone. Indulging in an energy strengthens the energy across the board and it will often manifest in other ways. The new smartphone obsession becomes the desire for another person/image/money/power.

Desire, some claim, can be good. They point to desires of spiritual enlightenment. What I’m talking about here is carnal desire. When a person desires something of the world, their vision is cast downward. They become limited and that state feeds upon itself. The shift of perception from heavenly scope to something seemingly innocuous (like desiring a new car), soon becomes the foothold of materialism.

This slip on the path is described in a Hindu story of Arjuna. He’s walking along a road and discovers Krishna. At once he recognizes him and pledges himself to Krishna. They walk for several hours, but then Arjuna witnesses smoke on the horizon. Leaving the path to see the source, he discovers a village on fire. He rushes to their aid. Once the fires are put out rain storm comes and flooding ensues. He helps prepare the village against the flood. Soon after the flood a group of attackers attempt to harm the village… the scene is one of endless problems. One day Arjuna is now an old man in the village and someone knocks on his door. Opening the door he finds Krishna there and in an instant he snaps back to the reality of being on the path: the whole situation a dream. So too is our path easily manipulated with carnal desires and opportunities.

Like lust and desire, anger (or any energy) feeds similar energy as a whole. One doesn’t get “angry with crime in their city,” they get “angry in general.” Just like desire for a new phone leads to other desires, so too does anger lead to rage in other areas.

The solution here is a path of non-attachment and non-reaction. It is a path of self observation. Be mindful of the daily thoughts and momentary drives that can cause a slip to the path. Dealing with parents, with kids, with spouses… these can set off our anger, and our anger rises in general. We may find the anger spilling into other areas of our life. Watching news and hearing about situations that inspire or anger and rage, will likewise spill into our family and social lives. The greatest danger is when these things focus our attention at the carnal world, rather than the spiritual.

So let’s be mindful… notice our slips and make changes to avoid the pitfalls that led us there.

The unexamined life is not worth living.

Socrates

This message from socrates is a shock statement said to inspire and spur one into self-examination. What is life’s value if one doesn’t even know what they are? Living such a life is like living the life of a shadow, instead of the person casting it.

All true spiritual paths are seeking the answer to Self. What is the Self? Which part is my conscious Self? How do I obtain the Higher? Is the Lower to be cast aside?

Beyond these questions, the aspirant upon the path is looking to not just understand their sense of Self, but to also examine ways to improve upon it.

There are some philosophies, such as Rjickenbourgh’s, that propose we let go of the personality self all-together. This is also a fine approach, as long as we consider that there is still a Self to be found.

Anwar Sadat – how does that name relate to my situation?

Last night was a challenging situation for me. Feeling accused, I reacted. Not a big reaction, but I lost myself for a moment, in anger, then regained composure to discuss, “why do you criticize me so?” The other sat there, staring away from me, unable to even say, “I’ll try better.” Instead, I was told that they couldn’t promise anything and wouldn’t change for me. “So you’re just going to criticize me everyday then?” Our discussion went nowhere. Later that night I sat with my thoughts, which vexed me throughout the night. While in and out of sleep, a name appeared (like a mental whisper) in my mind, the name Anwar Sadat.

Anwar Sadat, the name was strange. To be honest, I don’t know who Anwar Sadat is. Perhaps in my childhood I heard of him, but I have no recollection of ever studying his life. Reading the highlights of his life I noticed his death was in 1981 – I was but a child. I would have been so young during his passing, that I doubt people’s discussions of his assassination would have left much of a mark upon my memory. Why did his name float to my mind?

Knowing little to nothing of Egyptian politics, I had to assume that this name didn’t come to me without reason. Certainly my personal life isn’t filled with the grand strategy and statesmanship, but perhaps a spiritual force was drawing my attention to a parallel. I came to two ideas that the Higher Self / Kami / Spirit was guiding me to towards, either 1) that I had feelings of being attacked after doing what I thought was a good deed, or 2) it is time to broker a peace, regardless the cost or backlash.

Perhaps. I felt that I was being socially assassinated after doing a good deed. There’s one view here that I have been the victim after offering a helping hand. Would I still offer help again? Of course, but I held on to something, and this allowed me to become offended when I was called out. When I was shammed. Helping, sometimes requires being beaten by those being helped. I shouldn’t respond in like, as it simply weakens my best qualities and strengthens the other’s worst.

Perhaps, I felt that it’s time to broker peace, despite the threat of emotional retaliation (criticisms, cruelty, etc.) Another way to interpret this, is that I am currently in a mini war with another. My feelings are hot. I am frustrated, hurt and bothered by this other person who means so much to me. Despite the danger of words being thrown, I need to broker peace. It may not end well for me. But it is the right thing to do.

The hand of the Universe was upon me in my restlessness. Reaching down, into my consciousness it whispered a name of Anwar Sadat. This was no religious icon. It was simply a man. A man who attempted peace between two countries and died for (or because) of it. Why whisper this to me? Why tell me the name, if not to learn from it. Of my conclusions above, the one I put to use was the second (a time to broker peace). I reached out with an olive branch to this other, in the hopes of mending the argument and hurt feelings of the day prior. I don’t know the outcome, but I know I must surrender – it is the only way forward to the land of peace.

UPDATE: After taking the second approach (brokering peace), this person and I bridged our troubled waters. A day later we were both talking again in peaceful dialogue.