I’ve noticed over the past two weeks that I’ve been in a state. My mind hasn’t been as focused on the spiritual, I’ve had a harder time giving up distractions (TV, movies, etc.) and my frustration has been very high. There are moments when I feel tension constantly upon me.
Today I lost my temper on the phone with a call scammer. A phone call got through my spam checker and I answered to hear a machine, “we have detected a charge of $1,400 for a Mac book pro on your amazon account, please press 1 to talk to a service member.” I was so angry, instead of hanging up, I pressed 1. I could feel the right thing to do was to just let this go, but I verbally unloaded on the scammer and then I felt guilty afterwards.
While reading the book, “The Coming New Man,” I came across this passage regarding below:
Let us now consider the case of the pupil who, by virtue of his pupilship and by virtue of his presence in the power field of the School, is attracted and called with great inten- sity but is not prepared to break, who is not prepared to break with that which must be broken up and is not willing to abandon that which must be relinquished. In spite of all that is said to him, this pupil holds on tenaciously to a great deal of delusion which, in course of many incarnations and by means of thoughts and feelings, has become a supposed reality to him.
What happens then? When a true pupil reacts harmo- niously to the calling aspect, he likewise reacts harmo- niously to the shattering aspect of the intervention of Christ. Then the path will be smooth for him. However, should a pupil react harmoniously to the calling aspect, but not to the shattering one, then both influences will have a disharmonious effect in his life. This is obvious! Then a series of difficulties arises, fruitless efforts, endless worries, an inner strife, loneliness and sadness and the entire pit of vipers in which he is then ensnared.The Coming New Man, pg 26
Have I neglected too much? Am I not willing to give up enough? Is that the problem? Perhaps I’m failing to let go and this is causing the distress within me, that is reflected outside of me.
I need to ponder this more deeply.